Moody Monday

Feeling a bit out of sorts today. I wouldn’t say I’m in a bad mood but I want to keep what energy I did have for myself. My energy has been low for more than a week. Also I’ve had this cough that comes and goes. Perhaps I’m fighting a virus? Something bacterial? Who knows really? There is no fever so I’m not concerned.

I figured a strategy for clearing the Monday Moodiness can be taking a moment to look at what I’m grateful for. I’m a believer in that there is power in the attitude of gratitude. Shall we begin?

I am grateful for…

  • My intuition
  • Diligence
  • Thirst for knowledge
  • Love of history
  • Peace
  • Love
  • Joyfulness
  • Being able to find strength when I feel weak
  • Positive attitude
  • Healing!
  • Recovery
  • Personal growth
  • Ambition
  • A partner who loves me unconditionally
  • The colors in nature
  • Time to reflect
  • Olfactory pleasure (yummy/pleasant smells)
  • Gift of insight
  • To come and go as I please
  • Freedom
  • Guidance
  • Spirit
  • My individuality
  • Strength
  • Income
  • Discipline
  • Creativity
  • Introspection
  • New ideas
  • Rain and other precipitation
  • Ability to read
  • Tenacity and determination!
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White Aura

Good evening loves,

Today a person I encountered at work said to me, ” I see a white aura around you. This is not the first time.” I was taken aback, confused and surprised. It felt so random and I really did not know what to do or say so I said, “Really? Right now?” She confirmed again she saw it. I imagine she would not make such a false statement. Who would do that about one’s aura? She told me once again a few moments later and stated she had seen it another time some weeks ago but it was brighter than today’s white aura. Whoa!

Interesting experience, right? No one has ever told me this in my life.  So of course I assume it is positive and a great thing. When is a white light ever a negative thing? Later when I got home I took the the web and did some brief research. I came across a few sites that reported,  an aura consists of 7 layers or bodies which reminds me of the 7 chakras. Also I read the white aura represents purity, truth and angelic qualities. I’m no angel so I looked around some more.

Also came across some information that stated the white aura means pertains to reflecting other energy and protection. Apparently this can signal a new energy, innocence and a healthy individual. Perhaps this is the case too?

Another source stated it was representative of death, sickness or mental illness. Is that what I have going on? Whether I do or not is not my questions but more so what’s up with the variety of possibilities. Nonetheless, I feel fine and I do not have a mental illness unless you count occasional PMS! But I am still curious…I cannot help myself. I am intrigued by these things.

Finally I found something that stated auras are forever changing and what aura color is seen is based upon the perception of the individual. In other words, the person talking to me may have perceived me as supportive, helpful and significant to their own growth hence the aura was white. Although this is not the total reason for the color it may have had some bearing.  I do not know much of anything about auras so if you know about this kinda thing feel free to comment. I am curious.

Thanks for reading.

You are worthy of greatness!

To Learn and To Love…

Today I do not have anything planned. Actually I did have plans to have brunch with a friend former coworker but she had to cancel at the last minute. Life happens. Although I was looking forward to socializing with her, I had a peace about the cancellation. It was as if I knew I needed to dedicate my day and time to some “spiritual me-time”.

I was also hoping to spend some quality time with my boyfriend before he goes on his boys trip next week to Vegas. This is an annual thing for him since his bestie lives in San Diego. It must suck to see your best friend annually so I like that he gets about 4-5 days a year to do manly things.  He spends 99% of his free time with my feminine energy.  Poor guy, ha ha! Unfortunately, he had to go into work today which happens from time to time unexpectedly. I felt a little pout coming when I found out, but then I felt a peace about that as well. Again, there was another sign that it was time for some “spiritual me-time”.

Then I think back to the feathers. Yesterday morning when I rolled over in bed there was a feather neatly placed at eye level. No mistaken that communication. Also this morning I simply opened my eyes and another feather was sitting at eye level on top of my comforter. Many believe when a feather is near an angel, spirit or guide is near. I did not believe it before. Now I have feathers at least twice per week on my path, in my car, in my bed and/or around my bed. Last month there were so many small feathers collected around my bed I had to pick them up so my cat wouldn’t eat then. Yet again here is a sign for some “spiritual me-time”.

After I had my morning coffee I decided to pick up a book I’ve been reading for the last month. The book is Second Sight by Judith Orloff, MD. This text has been such a blessing and a Godsend! Dr Orloff is a psychiatrist and an intuitive. In her book she eloquently describes her experience of accepting her intuitive gifts, honing her abilities and applying these abilities to her practice, personal life and research. It is amazing and refreshing. I recommend to those of you who have intuitive gifts, loved ones who are intuitives or believe you have these abilities. I’ve never read anything like it and it’s quite validating. Highly recommended!!!

A line the resonates loud and clear with me from Second Sight is “The bedrock of spirituality is to learn about love”. The statement is obvious yet not taken seriously in our culture. Typically when we think of spirituality we think of religion and denominations. I was raised in a nondenominational, fundamentalist Christian setting with rigid rules, traditions and expectations. Ironically, “nondenominational” but I won’t go there today. Although the word “love” had been thrown around. I never FELT it or sensed it in the interactions, tasks, responsibilities, etc. But when I read the line “The bedrock of spirituality is to learn about love” I really felt the LOVE from Dr Orloff and she doesn’t know me and I never seen her in my life.

Here is my message today and it may seem cliche: I am love. You are love. It is through our spiritual journey that we can make positive differences.  The foundation and beginning of being a spiritual person is to learn about love, practice love and exude love. We are not all knowing. The more arrogant we are the less love is experienced and given. It is also through love that we can help, support and heal ourselves (and others).  We all have the ability to love and let’s not take for granted what it can do for us, our families, our health, sanity and  humanity. Judgment is not love. Criticism is not love. Jealousy is not love. Learn to love yourself first and everything you can about love and how to love.

Godspeed,

Jiggy Martini

Embracing Empathy

I identify as an empath. This is something new to me but not “brand new”. For my entire life I have been described by my family as “sensitive”,”moody”, “a loner” and “antisocial”. Some have even said I do not like people. This is false. I do like people. I also like to help, aide and assist others. I want the best for everyone! I desire and hope for this so much that is has become an “unfortunate wish”. It is unfortunate because it is indicative of “out of control” empathy and inappropriate boundaries. However this gift of empathy is foreign to most people just like “high sensitivity”. Not only am I empathic but I’m a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

My HSP trait is what I learned about first about 3 years ago. I have no idea how I figured it out. I like to think God and/or my spirit guides lead me to the website of Elaine Aron, PhD as well as blogs, assessments, survival tips and more! I was excited to finally have a term for my experience of the world. I have been reactive to my environment and experiences for so long. In this haze of deep processing I couldn’t quite understand that others did not experience what I did. I thought everyone had this going on!!! If you are reading about the HSP trait for the first time here is an awesome resource for starters: www.HSperson.com

I found out I was an Empath when I started looking up symptoms I experienced at work. I notice in my former place of work that I would experience physical neck and shoulder pain after sitting with or even talking to certain folks. Sometimes my anxiety went through the roof and I became extremely fidgety, restless and even experienced heart palpitations.  Other times I would attend work related meetings and it was as if I was soaking up the mood of the room like a sponge. It was unbearable!! It lead to me walking out of numerous meetings time and time again. I was heavy and felt “dirty”. That is the only way I know to describe it. I debriefed some of this with my therapist. He did not comment on it. He did look concerned at least. Later I learned he didn’t know about HSPs nor Empaths.

Back to the empath and boundary business. Although I was born an HSP and Empath, I do not have the natural ability to set limits. This is a learned behavior I am working on. The boundaries I need to maintain my sanity are different and more intentional than basic professional and relationship boundaries. This is more than learning when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. My boundary development and implementation is also about knowing when to leave a situation, turn down offers, end friendships, discontinue communication/contact with toxic people/ narcissists and even referring clients to others.

If you are an Empath you may also know you are a natural healer so you probably work in a healthcare, therapeutic or social service setting. This does not mean you are magically making wounds heal and blind men see. But your energy is desireable and people are attracted to your empathic energy hence boundaries are essential. You must protect yourself. If you do not protect yourself you will be sucked dry! We are what we are! It’s easier to embrace it and learn to channel your energy.

I am learning a deep appreciation for Empathy and Intuitive gifts. Words cannot express how grateful I am for learning this information and the infinitely many resources by Judith Orloff, MD, Elaine Aron, PhD and many others.  I am grateful and humbled by my gift. I am not “moody” nor “antisocial” but I DO experience the world more intensely and I am learning everyday how to live with it and use it to everyone’s benefit, especially mine. Everything over the last 35 years of my life is starting to make SENSE! For so long I was in the dark and thought I had some sort of mental illness that was undiagnosed. Now I know I am an Introvert, Empathic, Highly Sensitive Person.

Thank you for reading/listening. I wish you the best on your personal journey to self awareness. Come by again soon!

 

Today I am Grateful for…

I was going to make my gratitude list in my journal but decided to do it hear publicly. Although this is something I have done privately in the past I believe there is a profound  benefit doing it publicly. Perhaps this will leave to the same act by others. On the other hand, maybe you will be inspired to consider some of the “small” things that are often taken for granted.

Today I am grateful for…

  • Sunshine
  • Eye Sight
  • Ability to taste
  • Empathy
  • High Sensitivity
  • Ability to walk
  • Living parents
  • Having a true lover and soulmate
  • Cat parenting
  • Intuition
  • My health
  • Financial Stability and Security
  • Stress Free work environment
  • Flexibility to come and go as I please
  • Artistic Expression
  • Musical talent
  • Inspiration
  • Motivation
  • Resourcefulness
  • A best friend
  • Food in my fridge/pantry
  • Agility/Flexibility
  • Conscientiousness
  • Ability to sleep on cue
  • My fitness
  • Optimism
  • Intelligence
  • Determination/Tenacity
  • People who love me
  • Wealth of health

This concludes my list for today but stay tuned for another in the near future. Feel free to comment and share what you are grateful for!

 

April 2017

The Venus retrograde is kicking my ass. I’m trying my best to stay focused on the positive and keep my energy and vibrations high with lots of colorful foods and exercise. I’ve had 2 arguments with my boyfriend of 5 yrs. We have had such intense debates since 2012 or sooner. Then I recall the retrograde. I feel like my emotional needs are abundant and its hard to balance out. Sometimes I wake up irritated and don’t know why.  Every small mistake I make feels like a tragedy. Two more weeks to go.  

Disappointment

For many years I have been disappointed and sometimes to the point of anger or sadness. Unfortunately I suppressed and repressed this feeling/emotion for far too long. Today I can say that I am disappointed. I can also say some of my experiences with others have deeply grieved me. In accepting this disappointment and grief I know I do not have to hold on the feelings. No longer are the emotions bottled up within my gut shaking my foundation, sanity and stability like it has for over a decade.

I am disappointed that those folks that I loved and felt deep friendship with were not able to reciprocate. Not only were they not able to reciprocate but they jumped ship leaving a wound of abandonment. I am also disappointed in family members that were emotionally unavailable or uncaring. I do not place any blame on them, but I used to blame. For whatever reason the blame could not provide what I needed although I did not have unrealistic expectations. On the other hand, maybe I did have super high expectations. Knowing the truth is not the point, right? When you love someone it is unconditional. Sometimes I find myself trying to make sense of the painful disappointment and make excuses for the friends that have come and gone.

After a long while I have come to recognize I am only responsible for myself. I am totally allowed to feel the emotions I experience and there is no such thing as a WRONG feeling. What I feel is real and I accept it. Now that I have accepted my feelings, I can process them. It reminds of me that experience in Earth Science course. If you ever had the class you will know what I am talking about. Imagine when you look over minerals, measure them, assess the hardness, color, etc.? Every single mineral has a purpose whether you enjoy the luster or not. Each mineral has its unique properties regardless of your expectations. Emotions are those minerals. They are unique, genuine, real and necessary. Might as well get familiar because the act of burying the emotions will only create earth shattering problems like an earthquake or volcanic eruption.

Disappointment I accept you! You are not lesser or greater than the joy or peace I experience. You are equally important and necessary. You have a place here. Now that I have learned to accept you I know I can make it THROUGH the disappointment I feel and acknowledge there has been a problem or concern that needs to be addressed and hopefully resolved with closure.  I also accept that closure is not always an option with the object of disappointment but I can process the unique texture, hardness, lustre, shiny (or lack thereof) to accept and create my own closure.

Cheers to you disappointment. I am not afraid. I will not hide you!